Secure Your Own Mask

Sometimes parents ask me for advice.  I am always careful when doing so for the reason that I do not know them that well AND it is beyond the scope of my training.  My best advice for parents struggling with something, whether it is their own feelings or how to work with a difficulty with their child, is to get the appropriate help for themselves.  It is like telling passengers on an airplane to "secure your own airmask before assisting others".  The same advice is true for me.  If I want to be a successful (helpful) school counselor, I must seek help for any of my own struggles before assisting others.

I once again turn our attention to Parents magazine.  It is as though after saying I did not find it very helpful, the writers found topics that would grab my attention!

This months edition featured an article I thought parents would want to read: "The One-Week Fix for Bad Behavior".  I do not want to encourage anyone to believe we can fix problems in one week, but the underlying message is important.  Here is what the author had to say: "My plan was to end my kids' whining, hitting, and tantrums in seven days. But first I had to change my own actions." 

We cannot expect things around us to change if we do not change ourselves.  For more information on that article, check out the October 2011 edition: page 56.

IQ? SQ? I've Heard About EQ!

I receive Parents magazine and hardly ever read it. However, there are a few headlines that catch my attention.

I am happy to say I was excited to see the article "Raise A Kid Who Cares: Fun Games That Teach Kindness" in the May 2011 issue. 

More than a dozen pictures of a handsome boy display, well, more than a dozen faces that represent different feelings.  Happy, sad, surprised, disgusted, angry, etc.  While the photos are great, the header quote takes the cake:

An ability to recognize and understand emotions can help your kid have better friendships, succeed in school, and even become closer with you. (Rones, 2011).

EQ stands for Emotional Quotient.  Word is (research supported) EQ is a higher indicator of future success than IQ (Intelligence Quotient) and that EQ supports IQ and SQ.  SQ is Social Quotient, something we'll get to later.  The good news is we can help support and boost our children's EQ.  Like everything else, it starts before school age. 

When your baby cries and you pick him or her up and say "ooohhh, so sad" you are teaching your child empathy and the ability to recognize her feelings. 

 

 

When my oldest, Evan, was 2 he really liked the Disney movie Brother Bear.  At one point Kenai, one of the bears, makes an angry face and my dad (who is always one to watch Disney with the kids) said "oh, he's angry, look at his face". This is how we create a teaching moment - in the every day parts of life.  Like learning to read, it can be fun, and it should be a part of every day.

The following are a couple of the games the article featured in order to promote EQ (you'll notice the idea is to recognize others' emotions and think about what others are thinking):
1. Magical Mind Reading
THE LESSON: You can sense feelings.
SET THE SCENE: Go to the playground. During a break from the swings, sit and have a snack and observe all the emotions others have around you.
HOW TO PLAY: Point out a kid in your vicinity (like the boy who's laughing hysterically as he's being spun around on the merry-go-round), and ask your child to guess what he's thinking. Look for opportunities to identify different feelings, such as that of the little girl who seems angry because she hasn't been able to make it across the monkey bars after numerous tries or the toddler who looks fearful about going down the slide. You can also ask your child to pick out a couple moms or dads and describe what's going on in their head too. 

2. Emotions in Motion
THE LESSON: Body language is a wonderful way to express feelings.
SET THE SCENE: Make a playlist of songs that range in mood and tempo - including both fast and slow tunes that sound calm, happy, sad, and even angry. "Few things capture emotions like music," says Dr. Feldman. Some songs you might include: Laurie Berkner's "I Feel Crazy So I Jump in the Soup" and "The Happiest Song I Know" as well as "Twist and Shout" and "Yesterday" by The Beatles, "Walking on Sunshine" by Katrina and the Waves, and "I Will Remember You" by Sarah McLachlan. you can also include a few classical numbers too, such as Claude Debussy's "Clair de Lune" or Aaron Copland's "Hoedown." Then turn up the volume.
HOW TO PLAY: Using movements and facial expressions, act out the mood of the music that's playing. Fore example, the two of you might pretend that you're sad or sleepy when the music is slow and mellow; when the rhythm picks up and gets louder, you might express excitement with happy kicks or by raising your arms up as if you're cheering for a team that just scored. To help a young child label emotions, encourage her to call them when the music changes (she might say, "Ooh, I'm so angry", or "Ah! I'm scared!". Make it fun by incorporating some silly dance steps for your child to imitate - and fell free to skip to the next song if you find yourselves repeating the same moves over and over. 

Kinship and FFA Pals

We are fortunate to be able to offer Kinship and FFA PALS to students here at the elementary.

Kinship of Polk County runs the mentoring program here in the school. It is a mentoring program that seeks to provide guiding and nurturing relationships for children. The school mentoring program matches carefully screened high school students with elementary age children. The "match" meets once a week for half an hour, at the school, during the school day, throughout the school year.

A carefully screened volunteer will provide your child with a caring relationship. The two will enjoy such activities as talking, listening, games, reading, art/craft projects and much more. In addition, in the past Kinship offered group activities such as a swim night, snow tubing, Valley Fair and more that the child was welcome to attend.

Meaningful relationships such as those set up through Kinship and FFA PALS promote positive self-esteem, self-confidence and a respect for others. In addition, studies have shown that students with mentors are more likely to stay in school, get better grades and go to college while less likely to start experimenting with alcohol and drugs.

FFA PALS is very similar to Kinship with its set up and mode of operation. The mentors are members of the high school FFA program. The pair also meets here at the school once a week for roughly a half hour and throughout the whole school year.

The two programs together offer roughly 20-30 mentoring matches. We are so grateful for both programs and their advisors.

Most students are referred by teachers. Once in Kinship, we hope the match will continue as long as both the mentor and mentee are in school. If you would like either opportunity for your child, contact myself (Mrs. Ailts) or your child's teacher.